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Santa cricket khel kar aaya, Banta- kitne runs banaye? Santa- century hone me 100 runs baki the... mai out ho gaya!. |
Banta to santa: "Mujhe Apni Ring De Do Mai
Ring Ko Dekh K Tumhe Yaad Karuga.." Santa: "Tum ye Soch k Yaad Karna Ki maine Ring Mangi Thi Or Usne Nhi Di." |
Banta: Mujhe Mehanti, Saadgi Se Rehne Wali,
aagyakari aur Ghar Sanwar Kar Rakhne Wali Ladki Chahiye. Banta: Mere Ghar Aake Meri Naukrani Ko Le Jana. |
Santa ne 1 raah chalti ajnabi ladki se kaha-
aapne pehchana mujh ko? Ladki- nahi..!! Santa- mai wahi hu jisko aapne parso bhi nhi pehchana tha...!! |
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Santa Bill gates se- tum pagal ho Bill- why? Santa- Tumhara surname GATES hai aur business tum WINDOWS ka karte ho. |
Santa- Yaar mere Baal bahot Gir Rahe hain. Banta- par kaise ? Santa- Tension Se. Banta- kis baat ki Tension? Santa- Baal girne ki. |
Santa: mere padosi ka bacha gum ho gaya. Banta: phir tumne kya kiya? Santa: maine usse kaha Google pe search kar Lo. |
Santa : "Ek Kilo Gaay Ka Dhoodh Dena." Banta : "Lekin Tumhara Bartan To Bahut Chhota Hai." Santa :"Theek He To Fir BAKRI Ka De de." |
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Teacher- tum bade ho kr kya karoge? Santa- shaadi. teacher- nahi, mera matlab h ki tum bade hokar kya banoge. Santa- "PAPA" |
Santa found answer to the most difficult
question ever- What comes first - the chicken or the egg? O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega.! |
Santa london k Hotel me murgi khane gaya
lekin murgi ka english word bhul gaya. Waiter: what do u like to have sir? Santa: Egg's mother.! |
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne
chahiye. Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.....! |
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Santa: Muje Shak Hai, Meri Biwi Ki Chaddi
Tere Bedroom Me Hai Banta: yar Bhabhi Chaddi Kaha Pahnti Hai Santa: Are han Sorry faltu hi Tujh Pe Shak Kiya. |
Santa- Maine apni BIWI ko 12th pass karaya,
fir B.A.fir M.A., uski Govt. job bi lagva di, Ab kya karu? Banta- achcha sa ladka dekh ke SHAADI KARDE. |
Girl to Santa: Kya shaadi ke baad bhi tum
mujhe itna pyaar karoge..?? Santa: Kyon nahin..? Main to diwana hoon shaadi-shuda aurton ka. |
Jungle me sher aa gaya, Santa ne mitti uthayi sher ki aankh me dalke bhagte hue chikha 'Abe Bhag' Banta: Main kyun bhagu? Mitti to tune dali hai. |
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Inspector to Santa: Faansi se pehle, bata
teri aakhri icchha kya hai? Santa: Mere pair upar aur sir niche kar k faansi de do! |
Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu
koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon." |
Santa: Yaar Banta tere ghar me'LATRIN' bani
hai kya? Banta: Ha bani hai.Aur tere ghar me. Santa:Nahi yaar mere ghar to DAAL CHAAVAL bane hain. |
Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift
dena hai, ki devan? Banta: Gold ring de de. Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar. Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de. |
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Santa ko party ka invitation mila jisme likha tha "PINK TIE ONLY" Santa party me gaya to surprise ho gya Usne dekha logo ne PANT-SHIRT BHI PEHNE the. |
Santa: Do you know English? Banta: Yes Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI? Banta: So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME. |
Santa- Inse Milo Ye Meri Patni SANN0 ! Banta- Ha Janta Hoon, Kisi Jamane Me Hum Ek Saath Soya Karte The..! Santa- Kya.? Banta- Haa..! Hindi Ki Class me. |
Santa subah Tatti gaya.. Bahut der tak nahi aayi Usne fir try kiya par nahi aayi Santa bola are aa q nahi rahi hai ! Mai kaun sa tujhe kha jaunga. |
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What's the difference between Bus & Cycle?? Santa:- Bus ka stand bus ke sath kabhi nahi jaata Par Cycle ka stand humesha Cycle ke sath jata hai. |
Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, PUTTAR hua PUTTAR. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It’s a Girl |
Zamindar: Agar Main Subah Apni Car Me
Niklu To Sham Tak Main Apni Aadhi Zamen B Nahi Dekh Sakta..! Santa : Hamare Paas Bhi Pahle Aisi Hi Car Thi. |
Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe. Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti. Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon. |
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Santa: darling aaj barsat ka din hai, koi
aisi romantic baat kaho ki mere pair jamin pe na rahe, wife: darling fansi laga lo. |
petrol ke daam badne par santa ne kaha - mainu koi pharak nahi padta, pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha , ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon. |
santa k ghar ek din sasural wale aye biwi ne santa ko kaha ki jao aur mahemano k liye kuch lekar aao. santa bahar gaya aur taxi le kar aa gaya. |
Santa was seated In A cricket ground.. Security: Cricket match is over now, why r u stil sitting? santa: oye yaar, i m waiting for highlights |
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Santa: Sharab pite pite rone laga, Banta: Kya hua,ro kyu rohe ho? Santa:Yar jis ladki ko bhulaneke liye pe raha tha uska naam yad nahi araha he |
Santa was walking through forestHe saw a
snake hanging on the tree... Santa: Sirf latak ne se height nai badegi,Mummy ko bolo complan pilaye |
Santa: Yaar, kal main bathroom gaya to waha
Lion tha Banta: Phir kya Hua? Santa: Kuch nhi, main kha,tum kar lo Meri to waise hi Nikal gayi |
Santa comes to school with 1 black and 1
white shoe. Teacher - Go home and change. Santa- sir, ghar me bhi ek black aur white hi hai.! |
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Santa likes to study in front of the
mirror. Why? 1- revision ka time bachta hai 2- combined study hoti hai 3- ek dusre ke doubts clear kar sakte hai. |
Dr- jab apko pata tha CHiPKALi apke KAAN me
GHUS rahi hai to aap CHUP kyu the? Santa-pehle COCKROCH gaya tha to mujhe laga ki wo use pakadne ja rahi hai. |
Santa- 'sala kal raat 3 ghanta picture ki
CD dekhi, na kuch scenes dikaha na awaz sunai di' Banta- 'movie ka naam kya tha?' Santa- 'NO DISC INSERTED' |
Santa:bus stand tak jane k kitnay paise Taximan:40rs Santa: 2rs me chalega? taximan:2rs me kaun jayega? Santa: piche baith me leke jata hu.. |
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Santa- Mujh se Wada Kar Ki Teri Biwi Ki
Pahli Kiss Mujhe Lene Dega, Banta- Wada, Par Meri Bhi Ek Shart Hai? Santa- Bol kya? Banta- Main Shadi Teri Bahan Se karunga.. |
Santa: Maine khat likha tha k meri shadi pr
ana,tum q ni aye? Banta: Mujhe khat nahi mila, Santa: Maine likha tha ki khat mile ya na mile tum zarur ana. |
Santa- "teri biwi tujhe bartan se marti hai
phir bhi tu khush kaise hai?" Banta- "jab uska nisana lag jata hai to wo khush, nahi lagne pe mai khush" |
Santa Prays Daily 2 Hour- Hey uper wale
Meri Lottery Lagade 11 Sal K Baad upar wala Gusse Me Prakat Hoke Bole- Abe Santa 1 Bar Ticket To Le le. |
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Santa: Are yaar light chali gayi hai kamse
kam fan to chalu kar do, Banta: lo kar di na bewkufo jaisi baat, Santa: Kyo??? Banta: Fan chalu karunga to mombatti nahi bujh jayegi. |
Santa ne 1 machis ki tili jalai nhi jali 2 jalai, nai jali 3 jalai Vo jal gyi To santa ne jaldi se bujha di or bola-Ye kam ki hai rakh leta |
SANTA MUJRA Dekne Gaya, SariRat Dekha MujreWali Ne kaha SAAB Humne Apko KHUSH kiya, Ab Ap Hume KHUSH karo SANTA Utha Or NACHNE LAGA... |
Santa.: Ur Son Is Dead After Hearng dis. Santa Jumps From 50th Flore 35 Flore He Realizs:I Dont Have Son 20 Flore:I m Not Marrid & 3rd Flore:SHIT I m Banta |
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Santa: ooji gaddi badi changi, hai kya naam
hai is gaddi ka? LADY: I don't remember the name but it starts with "T". Santa: wahji apki gaddi to kamal ki hai jo TEA se shuru hoti hai. humari gaddi to petrol se hi start hoti hai. |
Santa roz apni x girl friend ke ghar ke
samne Potty karta tha, x girl friend: aisa kyu karte ho? Santa: tumhe ye batane ke liye ki tumhare Pyar ke bina mai bhukha nahi mar raha hu. |
Santa ko uska sasur peet raha tha.. kyu? Jab uski wife ko beta hua, Dr. Ne usko SMS kiya.."Mubark ho ap baap ban gaye" Santa ne msg sabko forward kar diya. |
Santa was SHOPPING . . Shopkeeper- sir ! Do u want a POCKET CALCULATOR ? . . Santa- No thanks! I know how many pockets i have! |
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Santa driving on the wrong side of a one
way Road, became upset and said: SHIT, I think I am late to the function.... All r going back. |
Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks 'aap ke paas color TV hai kya?' 'Haan' replies shop owner. Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara wala dena!'. |
Nurse- Mubarak Ho Aapke Ghar Beta Paida
Huwa Hai Sardar- Wah G Wah Kya Technology Hai BV Meri Hospital Me Hai Aur Bachcha Ghar Paida huwa Hai. |
In MBA classroom Prof. asked to Santa: "If i buy n item Rs.12.75 & sell Rs.15.25", its profit or loss? Santa: its Profit in rupees & Loss in paise. |
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Judge-Tum par cycle chori ka ilzaam sabit
nahi hua, Lihaza tumko baa-izzat bari kiya jata hai. Santa- Iska matlab mai Wo Cycle rakh lu? |
Sardar to police- Kal raat chor mere ghar
se tv k ilawa sab saamaan le gaye Pol: tv kyon nahi ? Santa: tv to me dekh raha tha na. |
Dr.- Dawai Hila Ke Piya Karo, Santa- Dr. Saheb, Hilane Se Dawai Chammach Se Gir Jati Hai aur Phir Zameen Se Chaatni Padti Hai. |
3 boys where going on a motor cycle.
policeman gives hand to stop Santa-shouted oye pehle hi teen baithe hai tu kaha baithega. |
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Santa- ghar ma mera hi hukam chalta hai mai kehta hu, garam pani lao, wo le aati hai Banta- garam pani kyu? Santa- garam pani ma hi bartan ache dhulte hai. |
Santa was busy in removing a wheel from
auto, Banta asks: why r u removing a wheel from your auto? Santa: Can't u read Parking for two wheelers only.. |
Santa- agar apko Garmi lage to aap kya
karte ho? Banta- Cooler k samne baith jata hu, SAnta- phir bhi Garmi lage to? Banta-Cooler on kar leta hu. |
Teacher- kaonsa animal zameen aur pani dono
jagah rahta hai? Santa- mendak Teacher- good..! ab aise 3 aur janwaro k naam batao? Santa- mendak k papa, mummy aur bhai. |
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Santa looked miror & said- Isko kahi dekha
hai, Then he said- Yaad aaya, ye to wahi kamina hai jo meri shadi ki album me meri Biwi ke sath hai. |
Dentist: Oye tera 1 daant neela kaise ho
gaya? Santa: INK laga rakhi he dentist: magar kyu? Santa: aaj kal BLUETOOTH ka Zamana hai. |
Santa samundar me dahi daal raha tha, Banta- kya kar rhe ho? Santa- Lassi bana raha hu, Banta-isi liye log hum par joke banate hai, Itni Lassi tera Baap Piyega? |
Santa- which Soap do u use? Banta- Tom's soap, Tom's paste Tom's brush Santa- is Tom an international brand ? Banta- no, he's my room mate. |
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ek ladki khadi ho kar josh me boli- aaj ki
naari kya nahi kar sakti? santa bola "DEEWAR PE SUSU" |
Santa at petrol pump-1-/Rs ka petrol dal do Salesman-Itna Petrol dalwa k kaha jaoge? Santa-Kahi nhi, hum to aise hi paise udate hai. |
Teacher: Translate Bazaar me goliyan chal
rahi hain. Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market |
Santa: kya tumhari underwear me 2 chhed hai? Banta: no! Santa:to fir tange kahan se dalte ho? |
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Santa public toilet gaya aur 1 ghante baad
nikla. baahar baitha jamadar bola- 20 rs. Santa- saale.. bathroom me betha tha.. koi CYBER cafe me nahi.. |
Santa: aaj mere padosi ka bachcha gum ho
gaya. Meine mashwara diya to maar padi. Banta: tumne kya kaha tha? Santa: Maine kaha 'google' par search karlo... |
Santa sitting on road, Banta ask y r u
wasting time? Santa: I m taking revenge. Banta: How? Santa: Waqt ne muje barbad kiya hai, ab mai waqt barbad kar raha hu. |
Santa- arz kiya hai. Banta- irshad irshad. Santa- arz kiya hai. Banta- irshad... Santa- abe kutte bolne to de. Banta- wah....wah. |
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Santa drives in to one- way & cross NO
ENTRY board- Policeman- oye NO ENTRY ka board nAhi dekha? Santa- Mujhe laga film ka poster hai. |
Santa ki chhatri me hole tha, Banta ne pucha: umbrella me hole kyu hai? Santa: Oye, baarish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega. |
Santa- teacher, did u know that hens r more
intelligent than us? Teacher - How? Santa- because after every problem we write. HENS proved. |
Teacher: which comes first - sun or moon?
Santa: Obviously moon Teacher: How!?... Santa: Only after honey 'MOON', 'SON' will be born! |
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Santa ne market me ek khoobsurat ladki
dekhi aur sochne laga... .. kaash! .. .. ye meri .. .. maa hoti to mai bhi itna hi khoobsurt hota. |
Santa said something in Banta's ear & Banta
died. Take a wild guess what did he say? ? ? ? "Dhishkiyaon" |
Santa Singh tezi se daudta aaya aur clinic
me daakhil hua, mujhe bacha lo doctor sahab, main marnewala hoon.
Doctor: Tumhe kaise pata chala? Santa Singh: Do saal pehle maine jeevanbhar kaam aanewala pen kharida tha, aaj wo achanak tut gaya. |
Santa- I am suffering with loose motions
Doctor- Have you tried lemon Santa- Yes I have but when I remove it, they continue. |
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Santa BLOOD k bare me book pad rha tha... Biwi: aaj ye kyu pad rahe ho? Santa: mujhe Dr. ne kaha hai ki kal BLOOD test hai is liye test ki taiyari kar raha hu. |
Santa: Biwi se ladai khatm hui? Banta: Ghutne tek k mere pas aai thi Santa: usne ghutne tek k kya kaha? Banta: yahi ki bed k niche se nikal aao, kuch nahi kahugi. |
snta roj subah ped ki daali pe chad k baith jaata tha... Pucho Q? Kyu ki MBA karke wo apne aap ko Branch Manager samjta tha. |
Santa: gaadi me petrol khatam ho gaya, ab ye aage nahi jaayegi. Banta: to fir vapas lele. |
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Preeto khana bana rahi thi aur pucha-namak
kidhar hai? Santa- namak nahi hai. Preeto- to daal me kya daalu? Santa- "colgate" dalo, usme namak hai. |
Santa k 9 beto me 1 alag dikhta tha, Usne
marte waqt biwi se pucha, Ab to sach bata, ye alag dikhne wala kiska hai, Biwi- ye 1 hi to apka hai. |
Santa: will u marry after my death? Wife: no i will live with my sister, Wife: will u marry after i die, Santa: no i will also live with your sister. |
Santa: "i love u" Means kya hota hai? Girl: mai tumse pyar karti hu, Santa: le 1 question kya pucha, tu to mujhse pyar kar baithi "Pagli" |
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a lady kissed a lion inside d cage in a
circus. Ring master: Can any1 do it? Santa: mai kar sakta hu.. Par pehle samne se LION ko hata. |
Biwi:
tumara Banta ki biwi k sath sambndh hai, |
Captain- kisi ko tufaan
se bach nikalne ki dua aati hai? Santa raised hand.. Captain- ok.. aap dua par guzara karo, hamare paas 1 life jacket kam hai. |
In a 1oo meter race,it was announced 1 2 3 Start All started running except Santa, Coach- why are you still waiting? Santa- my no is 4. |
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Santa to guest: thanda piyoge ya garam, Guest: dono le aao, Santa: 1 glass freezer se aur 1 glass geyser se pani ka le aao. |
Santa-
agar mere hath me sarkar ho to |
How can u identify Santa in a classroom? Think Think Very simple Just see Who is erasing notes When teacher is erasing blackboard. |
Santa- agar nariyal k
ped par chad jau to eng. College ki ladkiya dikh jayengi Banta- fir hath chhod dena,to medical college ki bhi dikh jayengi. |
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Santa ne 1 raah chalti
ajnabi ladki se kaha- aapne pehchana mujh ko? Ladki- nahi, Santa- mai wahi hu jisko aapne parso bi nahi pehchana tha...! |
Santa
docter se- "mujhe subah 7 baje susu aata hai aur 8 baje potti aati hai" |
Qatil- try karna mujhe
umar qaid ho fansi nahi Santa lawyer- ok i will, after court Qatil- kya hua? Santa- bahut mskil se umrqaid mili court to riha kar raha tha. |
Santa- main tere 64 k 64 daant tod dunga. 1 admi bola- daant to 32 hote hai! Santa- mujhe pata tha tu bich me bolega, isliye tere bhi gin liye the. |
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Santa : zara car se
bahar dekhna ki indicator chal rahe hai ki nahi ? Banta : bahar dekh kar "haan, nahi, haan, nahi, haan, nahi, haan, nahi". |
Santa k ghar chor aa
gaya aur usko dekh k bhaga, wo uske piche bhaga... |
A sweet girl goes 2
Santa's shop & said: mujhe under wear dikhao? Santa sarmate hue: aaj pehankar nahi aaya. |
Santa- meri biwi ne kaha main apse pagar
badhane ke liye kahu. Boss- main apni biwi se puchunga pagar badhau ya nahi. |
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Santa pe bijli ka taar gir gaya: Santa
tadap tadap k marne hi wala tha,.. Ki use yaad aaya ki... Bijli 2 din se band hai. |
Santa: mera ghar itna bada hai ki uske ander local train chalti hai, |
jailor- tum kiss jurm me
aaye ho? santa- bas kuch khaas nahi jailor saab, sarkar ke saath competition ho gaya tha. jailor- kiss baat ka? santa- note chhapne ka. |
Santa ped k upar ulta latka hua tha. Banta: tu ped par kyu latka hai? Santa: sar dard ki goli khayi thi kahi pet me na chali jaye isliye. |
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Ek baar Santa church gaya.. Waha achanak
lights off ho gayi aur tabhi church ki ghanti baji.. Santa chillaya- 'bhago.. Undertaker aa gaya..! |
Santa apne liye
ladki dekhne gaya... |
Santa- beta 3 bister kyu lagaye. Beta- ghar pe 3 guest aayenge. Santa- kaun? beta- nani ka beta, mumy ka bhai aur mera mama. Santa- fir ek or laga mera saala bhi aa raha hai. |
Santa: yaar answer sheet par sabse pehle
kya likhu? Banta: likh ki "is sheet par likhe gaye ans. Kalpnik hai, Jinka kisi bhi book se koi sambandh nahi hai". |
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Santa- yaar, tune pure toilet me potty
kyu kar di? Banta- mobile ki wajah se. Santa- kaise? Banta- tune wo ad nahi dekhi.. 'Walk when u talk' |
Santa pe bijli ka taar gir gaya: Santa tarap tarap k marne hi wala tha, Ki Use yaad aaya ki Bijli 2 din se band hai. |
Santa- main tere 64 k 64 daant tod dunga. Banta- daant to 32 hote hai! Santa- mujhe pata tha tu bich me bolega isliye tere bhi gin liye the. |
Wife apni dono taange khol kar santa k
samne let gai aur santa se boli: "kya tum jante ho ki iska matlab kya
hai?" Santa: "ha janta hu iska matlab, tu saali pure bed par akeli sona chahti hai." |
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Shaadi me Santa
bahut der se khana kha raha tha dusre ne pucha "kab tak khaoge?" |
Santa ko koi mobile pe tang karta tha,
Santa ne new sim kharid kar use msg kiya, "Maine wo sim band kar diya
hai ab tera baap bhi mujhe tang nahi kar sakta." |
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