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Dr. tumhari biwi ko gas problem hai, wo pregnant nahi hai.
Santa: He Bhagwan tune mujhe Lu#d diya hai ya Hawa bharne ka Pump.
Pati- jaanu chalo na aaj sx karte hain.,
Patni- nahi ji aaj mera upwas hai aaj nahi.
Pati- to mere lu#d me kya aata laga hai jo tera upwas tut jayega.
a sardar entered into ladies toilet, a lady said "ye mahilaon ke liye hai" sardar open his zip and said "ye bhi mahilaon ke liye hi hai.." College girls: Jab hum apas me gandi-gandi bate karte hai to ladko k kaan khade ho jate hai na!
Boys: achha tum log usko kaan kehte ho?
2 rand khadi thi
1boli-lagta he grahak a raha hai,
dusri-tuje kaise pata?
pehli-mujhe lu#d ki sugandh aa rahi hai,
dusri-are pagli wo to maine dakaar mari thi.
TIGER: Mona today u dont wear PANTY Today......!
MONA: O Yes.! great sir how do u know that??
TIGER: I can see dandruff on ur shoes.!
Pregnant Lady chhat pe tange khol k leti hui thi..,
Santa: Ye kya ho raha hai?
Lady: Dr. ne kaha hai k tazi hawa bachche k sehat k liye achchi hai.
Saas-Bahu,mujhe 1 pota chahiye
Bahu-Maa ji,sirf 1 pota chahiye
aapka beta to mujhe aise ch*%ta hai jaise usey puri cricket team hi chahiye
Banta- suhag-rat kaisi rahi?
Santa- achchi rahi.
Banta- Phir bhi bata to jara.
Santa- pehli bar nangi ladki dekhi..Raat ko 3 bar muth maari.
Conductor: Bachche ka full ticket lagega!!
Village Lady: Ye to abhi choochi peeway hai!
Conductor: Choochi to iska Baap bhi peeway hai, uska bhi adha legi.
Badi murgi: Dekh Mere ande kitne bade Hai Rs. 2.25 Me bikte Hai Tere To Sirf 2/-Me jate Hai,
Choti Murgi:Rahne Do Chawanni k Liye koun ga#d fadega..
Son- dad Maine Khawab Dekha K Mera 1 Pao Zamin Par aur Dusra asman me Hai.
Sardar- Is Tarah K Khawab Na Dekha Karo Warna Ga#d Fatt jayegi.
Jeeto: Kal chor aya aur mere sath SX karke chala gaya.
Santa: Tumne use roka nahi?
Jeeto: Bahut kaha rukne k liye, bola kal phir aaunga.
1 Ladka Train me:apka Naam Kya Hai?
1st Rani ben
2nd Rano ben
3rd Shanno ben
Girl: aur apka Naam?

Boy: Ben-Ch@d
Lady 2 Maid: Tu saare kaam mein bekaar hai!
Bai: Bister mein to aap se aachi hoon!
Lady: Tujhe saab ne bola kya?
Bai: Nahin, driver bol raha tha!
A GAY couple, got up in the morning,
1st- Naraj hai mujh se?
2nd- Nahi to..!!
1st- to raat ko meri taraf muh kar k kyon soya tha...??
Santa- Yaar maine naye detergent se apni chaddhi
dhoyi aur wo chhoti ho gayi.Ab kya karu?
Banta- Usi detergent se apni GA#D bhi dho le.
Teacher- jab mai padhati hu to tum sir me tel kyu laga lete ho?
Santa- kal rat mummy papa se keh rahi thi agar andar nhi jaraha hoto tel laga lo.
Santa & Banta k bich fight ho rahi thi,
Santa: mai tare kapade phad k tujko nanga kar dunga.
Banta: serious ladai me Romantic baat mat kar
2 Sardar Swimming Pool Me Naha Rahe The
1 Dubne Laga To dusre Ka Lu#d Pakad Liya
2 Sardar: Bh@sdi K Tairna Sikh Le, Ladki Hota To Dub Jata...
2 Girls were masturbating with carrots.
Banta says: What r u doing?
Gals: U naughty guy, will u join us?
Banta: Wait, I'll get a carrot.
Boy: wah kya sandel hai tumara.
Girl: utaru kya.
Boy: is se to achchi teri skirt hai...
 
Miss:Machar se Aids pehlta hai ya nahi?
Student: Nahi!
Miss:Explain karo?
Student:Madam jee, Machar dunk marta hai,GA#D nahi
Saddam aur tum me kya similarity hai...??
wo logo ko marwata tha aur tum logo se marwate ho..!!!
On the wedding night Santa says: Bataao Hairan karoon ya Pareshan?
Jeeto: Dono.
He shows his tiny 1 inch pen!s & says: Kyun hairani hui?
Jeeto: Ji Hui.
Hubby: Ab pareshan karoon?
Jeeto: Ji.
Santa: Ye erect (tana hua) hai!
Sardar ga#d silwane mochi ke pass gaya,
mochi ne use 25,000 ka bill diya.
Sardar ne use 50,000 diye, muchi ne kaha "maine to pachchis mange the aap mujhe pachas kyu de rahe ho?"
sardar bahan ke lau%e tera bill dekh ker meri
dubara fat gai.
Santa: wo kaun si cheez hai jis k charo taraf baal hote hain,
SON: papa mai batau,
Santa: nahi tum chup raho
SON : mai batata hu "AANKH"
Santa : ohh haan
SON : to kya aap Lu#d samajh rahe the.
Ek ladke ne gali me ja rahi ladki ke piche ungli laga di,
Ladki: andha ho gaya hai dikhai nahi deta
Ladka: kya hua sahi jagah pe nahi lagi kya?
Jadugar: jadu dekhoge?
Santa: ha
Jadugar: pant khol k niche jhuk ja, g*#d me ungli mehsus hui
Santa: ha
Jadugar: dekho mere dono hath upar hai.
Santa jockey ki chaddi laya aur Gao me sabhi ko lungi utha kar k dikhane laga, Ghar aaya Almari kholi aur
Behosh "Dekha to chaddi Almari me hi thi."
Chor ko santa ne pakad lia aur ga#d uski marne laga
Chor- plz choro na mai phir kabi nahi aunga,
Santa- koi baat nahi kabhii-kabhi aaya karo.
Teacher- hume macchar ko paida hone se rokna hoga!
Santa- ye impossible hai..!
Teacher- kyu?
Santa- kyuki itna chhota CONDOM ban hi nahi sakta.
1 pathan u.s.a. Se apni ammi ko phone karta hai.
Pathan- ammi jaan muze aids ho gaya hai.
Ammi- tu wapas mat aana.
Pathan- kyo?
Ammi- agar tu aaya to teri biwi ko aids ho jayega, teri biwi se tere bhai ko, tere bhai se nokrani ko, nokrani se tere abba ko, tere abba se teri mausi ko, teri mausi se tere mousa ko, tere mousa se mujhe aur agar muje ho gaya to saare gaon ko ho jaayega!
tujhe uparwale ka wasta, sare gaon ko bachale.
Ladki ne panty utari to usme haryali najar aayi,
Ladke ne pucha: ye kya hai?
Ladki: dhatt tere ki raat ko muli nikalna hi bhul gayi.

Beta: papa kya raat ko mummy murgiyon ko daana daalti hain kya?
Baap: nahi beta kyo?Beta:phir raat ko unki aawaz kyo aa rahi hoti hai...aah aah aah

Lady- Dr. mera hole bahut bada hai,
Dr. hole dekh k, ye to GUFA hai, GUFA hai, GUFA hai,
Lady- isme 3 baar bolne ki kya jarurat hai?
Dr: kamini aawaz gunj rahi hai.
Ladies hostel ke compound me ladkiya cycle chala rahi thi.
Bahut shor hua to unki madam chillai, aur boli bina shor ke maza lo warna cycle me seat lagawa dungi.
Suhagraat ko ladka room me aaya- jaldi kapde utaro, dulhan ne kapde utare. ladke ne sx kiya, kaha-jaldi kapde pahno.
dulhan- jaldi kya hai?
Ladka-dulha aa raha hai.
Santa Banta se: yaar tune koi aisi gaali suni hai..
Jo tune dekhi bhi ho??
Banta: haan!!
Santa: kaun si?
Banta: teri ben ki ch#t.
Ek ladki apne b'frd se: kabhi tumne b~~bs se dudh piya?
Ladka (sharmate hue): nahi
Ladki: to bachpan me kya abba ka Lu#d choos k bada hua hai.
Ek sardar ke ga#d me funsi nikal aaya, wo shisa lagakar dekh raha tha tabhi uska lu#d khada ho gaya.
Sardar bola baith ja bhos%i ke ye apni hi ga#d hai.
Dr. Mariz ki ga#d me ungli daal k baitha tha,
Santa ne pucha- ye kya kar rahe ho?
Dr.- mariz ko ulti kara raha hu,
Santa- kaise?
Dr.- yahi ungli uske muh me dalunga.
Ladka- ye le 50/-
Sara din auto chalaya, 400 kamaya aur 350 ka tel lag gaya,
Ladki- ye le 4995/-
1 ghanta laga 5000 kamayi aur 5 ka tel laga.
Suhagraat pe ladka wife ko sirf kiss karke so gaya subah maa boli : beta mandir jane se pehle naha lo.
Bahu (gusse me): maji sirf brush karwa lo baki sab saaf hai.
Ek baar do bhai apni behan ko le jane k liye behan k sasural jate hain, Waha se vida hone k baad chota bhai sabse pehle aaker bus me jagah rok leta hai, Bada bhai behan ko lekar aa raha hota hai, Behan dheere dheere chalti hai to bada bhai bolta hai: “jaldi jaldi chal kya bhos%e me khujli ho rahi hai?”
Behan bus me aaker chote bhai ko ye baat kehti hai to wo bolta hai: “theek hi to keh raha hai agar bus nikal jati to kya lu#da pe bitha ker le jate tujhe”
ek pagal roz kehta- gulel banaunga panchhi ko maruga
5 mahine pagal khane me ilaaz k bad,
Dr. ne pucha- ab kya karoge?
Shadi
phir?
Suhagrat
phir?
Uski sari utaruga
phir?
Blouse
Oho! phir?
Bra utaruga
My god, phir?
Phir kya! Bra k elastic se gulel banaunga aur panchhi ko marunga.
Santa idli bana raha tha.
Wife: tum itni achhi idli kaise banate ho.
Santa: mere pass idli banane wala kapda hai
Wife: haramkhor ye meri bra hai wapis kar.
Saas- mujhe to bas ek pyara sa pota chahiye.!
Bahu- bas ek!
apka beta to mujhe roz aise cho%ta hai jaise 14 november ki rally meri ch~t se niklegi.!
Beti- papa mai maa bannewali hoo.
papa- besharm ye kya keh rahi ho?
Beti- aapne hi to kaha tha jab tak mai kuch ban nahi jati aap scooty nahi dilayenge.
Lady to dentist- daant nikalwane se to pregnant hona achcha hai..
D.: ab bhi waqt hai, soch lo kya karwana hai? Fir mai chair usi hisab se set karunga.
admi: agar wife pregnant ho to kis month tak sx kar sakte hai?
Dr: jab tak bacha andar se cheekh kar na kahe "ma%archod" bas kar, kya meri bhi ga#d marega."
Santa complains, Condom laga k bhi
meri wife k 3 bache ho gaye
Dr: kaise use Karte ho?
Santa: jitna Chadta hai chadha k baki extra aage se kaat deta hu
Pota- dadaji ye condom kya hota hai?
Dadaji- chal bhag mujhe nhi pata.
Pota- mai janta tha ma%archod buddhe? tujhe pta hota to aaj jaydad k 14 tukde na hote..!
Santa ne black board pe lu#d ki tasvir banai,
Mam ne use mita diya

Next Day

Usne bada lu#d banaya aur niche likha
"Jitna ragdogi utna bada hoga."
Naukrani sx k time- "malik, anand aa raha hai"

Malik aur tez karne laga

Naukrani- "mai kah rahi hu anand aa raha hai"

Anand- "mai aa gaya papa"
Sir to student- ab 1-1 doha sunao.
Santa- chidiya baithi ped pe, usne diya moot, Banta ki maa ki ch~t.
Sir- shabaas, very good. next

Banta- kabutar baitha ped pe usne diya moot, Santa ki maa ka bhos%a.

Santa- sir iska doha galat hai, kuch jama nahi.

Sir- haa tumne galat bola hai.

Banta- aapne poora suna hi nahi, maine kaha.....

Kabutar baitha ped pe usne diya moot Santa ki maa ka bos%a, master ki maa ki ch~t.
Son: papa batao aaju baju baal bich me chhed kya hua?
Papa: chup marunga
Son: main batau, aankh.
Papa : ha ha ha sahi hai.
Son : aap ch~t samajhe the kya?
What is tension:
Ladki ne apse lift mangi, Raste me uski tabiat kharab hogai, aap hospital le gye. Dr. Bola aap baap banne wale ho, apko tension!
aap bole mai iska baap nahi! Phir ladki se pucha
Ladki boli yahi baap hai apko aur tension
Phir Police i, apka medical chekup hua
Report i ki aap to kabhi bap hi nhi ban sakte aap ne Khuda ka shukr ada kia, aur aap khushi khushi bahar aa gaye!
aur phir socha ki ghar pe jo 2 bachche hai
wo kis ka hai. apko phir tenson.
Suhagraat pe ladka wife ko sirf kiss karke so gaya subah maa boli : beta mandir jaane se pehle naha lo.
Bahu (gusse me): maji sirf brush karwa lo baki sab saaf hai.
Jeeto: doc saab, mujhe thode din bachcha nahi chahiye.
Doc: take this condoms.
Jeeto: ye pani ke saath loon ya doodh ke sath.
Doc: kele k sath.
Girl to old man- uncle ji lu#d sidha ch~t me dalo na, niche slip ho ke ga#d me ja raha hai,
Old man- jane de, saale ki kismat me gu khana likha hai.
Minister- bomb blast me marne walo ko 5 lakh aur zakhmi ko 3 lakh dene ka ailan karta hu,
Sardar- aur awaz sun k jinki ga#d fat gayi unka kya?
Dad: beti ki shadi ab jaldi kar deni chahiye,
Mom: haan, Kitchen se roz gajar muli gayab ho rahi hai,
Grand father: do din se meri lathi bhi gayab hai.
Banta: dunia gol hai.
Santa: aap bolte ho to maan leta hoon,
bapu to kahte hain ki dunia m#d#rch#d hai.
2 nangi ladkiyo ne bank loot liya. Bahar aake 1 boli- chal ab kapde pahan le koi pehchan nahi payega, kyoki kisi bhi bhos%i wale ne shakal to dekhi nahi hogi. 3 dost (waiter se majak me) malika ki ch~t, shilpa ki ga#d & katrina ke b00bs lekar aao,
Waiter 2 tarbuj laya aur bola : wo sab to khatm hai, ye adnan ke aand hai !
Sardar ki shadi hui, raat ko light nahi thi,
Naukar se bola: tu torch pakad, mai Biwi se sx karta hu,
Nokar ne torch pakdi sardar sx karne laga aur Biwi  se pucha maza aaya?
Biwi : nahi,
Sardar en phir try kiya aur pucha.maza aaya?
Bv nahi.
Sardar ne noukar se kaha mai torch pakadta hun tu sx kar!
Naukar sx karne laga.kaam khatm hone k baad sardar ne Biwi se pucha- ab maza aya?
Biwi: haan.
Sardar ne naukar ko 1 tamacha mara aur bola dekha aise torch pakda jata hai.
Santa: "maine suna hai agar ladki ki ch~t pe apna sir ragdo to sir pe baal ug aayenge",
Banta: "agar aisa hota to meri zubaan ab tak brush ban gayi hoti."
1 sardar road pe peshab kar raha tha.
Police piche se danda maar k bola- "ye gair kanuni hai. Sardar: "saale ye kisi gair ka nuni nahi hai ye mera apna nuni hai."
Santa ek ladki se sx kar raha tha achanak hi santa ne pucha: “do you have aids?”
Girl: “no”
Santa: “rabb da shukar hai.. Main nahi chahta ki mainu dobara aids ho jaye“
1 bacha sir pe Condom laga k ghum raha tha
Baap- ye kya kar raha hai?
Beta- school me fancy dress competition hai koi sher banega, koi ghoda banega, Main LAW%A banuga.
Job interviewer to Santa: "apko kitne saalon ka tajurba ha?"
Santa: "sir, maaf karna, main gay nahi hu, lekin mujhe 3 saaliyon ka tajurba hai."
Dr. to girl-
Zor se saans lo

aur zor se

Ek lambi saans k baad awaz aayi

Katak,

Dr: haddi me crake hai,
Girl: abe saale meri blouse ka huk tut gaya hai.
admi Dr. se: Dr. saab mai apni Biwi ko c#odta hu to andar jake lu#d teda ho jata hai,
Dr. ko yakin nahi aata, to admi apni Biwi ko clinic me lakar Dr. k samne c#odta h phir bhi Dr. ko yakin nahi aata,
Kuch din baad kisi shadi me Dr apne dosto k sath khada us admi ka mazak uda raha hota hai. "ki is bewakuf ne apni Biwi ko mere samne c#oda"
Dusri taraf wo admi apne dosto k sath khada Dr ko dekh k hansta hai aur kehta hai "yaar ra#di lekar aaya tha jagah nahi mili to iske clinic me c#od diya."

1 girl cinema ke show ke baad galti se boys hostel gayi agle din saheli ne pucha kaun si picture dekhi?
Ladki- pahle rab ne bana di jodi, Phir sab ne bana di ghodi.

 

Jhuk kar dekho. agar tumhare neeche 2 goliya hai it means u r a
man,
agar 4 hai toh ye mat sochna ki u r superman.
It means koi tumhari ga#d maar raha hai.

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